Response to e-mail -- May 1, 2011 re: Staples...
>Do you get those Staples’ cards too? What a waste!
Yes. It’s incredible how these financial-freak gurus that run these American Taliban Business World conglomerates persist in wasting money – all costs of which are passed on to unsuspecting customers who ultimately pay the price – to say nothing of the 100% tax-deductible “business costs” of the company for the massive mailing list
As we discussed the deplorable fact at our last month’s club meeting: Sad that no one at Staples ever checks to see which cards are utilized. I must get one or two of them a month. Idiots must run the company or else the left hand doesn’t know or care what the right hand is doing. No one at Staples utilizes their corporate personnel’s time to see that the nearest Staples store from Floral City is all the way down in Spring Hill. So, if I don’t order online, I’m supposed to pay a whopping $3.85/gal of gas, plus mileage costs (AAA has the present cost of $2.25/mile, excluding gas) and make a 70-mile round trip to patronize Staples when I can shoot up to Inverness or over to C. River to Office Max – or – ordering online, I can patronize Quill Office Supply which will give me a better deal since it only requires $45 order minimum, will allow me to keep the product, inspect and use it for 30 days before making the payment, and will pick up the item at their cost via UPS if I need to return it.
The card has two parts: One for ordering online, which assumes that every addressee has a computer, the computer is working, that the whopping high cost of getting online is paid for by the addressee, that Staples’ server is also in perfect working order, and that the addressee will have no hesitation in giving out all personal info, (short of giving his BVD size) -- including a credit card number on an alleged “secure server” – and all of this before the unknown customer (com
puter number only) reads the ultra-microscopic print on the card’s back (which Staples hopes potential customers won’t be read) – all the obnoxious conditions, reservations, exclusions, etc,: “Limit one per customer, non-transferable, no other coupon or instant savings may be applied, tax and shipping not included, blah, blah – followed by the killer: If the featured item is out of stock, Staples reserves the right to substitute…” Really, now. The stupid video camera’s value is allegedly $79.99 (honest people would call it $80.00 + tax and S&H – far above $80.00). Who determines the price of $80? Staples does, which means it’s probably worth $15 to them since they bought the item (discontinued, reject, unknown model or something from Afghanistan or southwest China in a lot price – a deal made with the American Taliban Business World personnel residing in Staples American corporate office). When the stock of 20 video cameras (brand name is purposely omitted) is depleted, the customer will receive 2 boxes of M&M’s which is determined by Staples to be “of equal value,” which would be fine with me. M&M’s won’t melt in my hand as the generic video camera probably would.
The “in store” section is just as deplorable. In addition to the above: “No cash/credit back. Not valid on computers, notebooks, tablets, custom printing orders, etc. Why t’heck bother even sending me the card? What’s Staples’ purpose? Then it says something about “Beats audio products, Amazon Kindle products, gift cards,” etc. (Huh? According to whom? And what is this all about?) It continues, “Staples industrial purposes, prior purchasers, or other provider websites.” (What? Are these part of the demonic exclusionary clause repertoire or what? What does this have to do with “Beats audio products, Amazon Kindle products,” etc. – as the vomiting session continues. (Dear Allah, is there anyone at Staples who passed the Writing section of the MCAS – a major part of which is “staying on the topic.” Maybe they all failed Writing-101 in college?) But I’m supposed to get all excited and rush to the phone to put in my order – about as humorous as thinking the local Catholic priest is not a potential pedophile. Are these Staples’ financial-freak gurus serious about acquiring customers or are they just interested in executing duping sales’ tactics to feed their CEO his mega-salary or to keep their mega-buildings such as the Staples Center in L.A. so the Lakers can keep playing footsie on the court so rapist-players like Kobe Bryant can continue to earn their mega-million salaries?
Like you’ve done, the Staples card is making a beeline to have an orgy with a pair of scissors and finding its most respectable throne for the garbage collectors tomorrow.
Stay in touch.
B
Self-note: Sent via USPS w/destroyed card (no fax number listed anyplace on the Net – fax number is, evidently, kept in vault at Ft. Knox): Staples Corporate Office, 500 Staples Dr., Framingham, MA 01702. Who, if anyone, will respond after it travels a labyrinth of probably 27 departments? Purchase a few oxygen tanks if you’re holding your breath waiting.
