“Finally” by WJK: (Accurate and precise summary on President Obama’s Address to the Nation-Jan. 29, 2014)
Finally, President Obama, as the Captain of the Ship and as a Master Orator, without, as usual, ever glancing at any notes or Cue Cards, laid the law down, enunciating every word and making every point in every part of the message perfectly clear, none of which is up for discussion:
1-“All Federal employees will receive the fair and just minimum wage of $10.10/hour and it will be a federal offense if any private-sector business raises its prices to offset its loss of profits after it too will be expected to at least double the minimum wage of its employees. They are employees, not slaves.”
2-“Our Repug. Congress must begin to care about the country. Any Repug who fails in this responsibility will be arrested immediately and imprisoned for life at Guantanamo Bay. No appeals in the Judicial System will be allowed.”
3-“There will be no penalty for any American who chooses not to purchase health insurance, especially those, who through no fault of their own, are suffering financial hardships. It is the Fed’s responsibility to take care of all Americans. If we can always afford millions of dollars in free handouts to foreign nations, especially during times of disaster, we can afford to take care of our own Americans. Period.”
4-“Americans must be the primary concern of the Repug. Congress, not the profit margins of its maniacal business entities. Beginning Feb. 1, 2014, all sucker-punch advertising phraseology will be prohibited: ‘As low as,’ ‘up to,’ ‘Coupon good till…,' ’No physical exam required,’ etc. Additionally, all prices listed by private businesses will end in a 0, not a duping 5 or 9 and all such prices, both in the dollar and cents’ amounts, will be written in the same-size font.”
5-“The stench-rich segment of Americans will pay more in taxes, not the lower or middle class. Federal programs such as Food Stamps, Unemployment Benefits, WIC, Cash Assistance, etc. will continue for another 25 year-minimum-period via my Executive Privilege order.”
6-“When Hillary Clinton announces her candidacy for President, she will receive my full support and I trust that all Americans will follow suit as Hillary’s bosom friend, Monica Lewinsky, and my young, curvaceous colleague, Nancy Pelosi, have done already.”
7-“No, the price for a first-class letter will remain at 44 cents. I will not allow, per my Executive Privilege order, the USPS to raise it another five cents. We Americans already pay too much for any Snail-Mail postage service. If any of your local post office personnel give you any static on this, kindly feel free to immediately launch water balloons at them. You will want to contact me beforehand. I will join you.”
8- Lastly -- and most importantly: “No longer will any senior male member of society be allowed to drool over my wife, Michelle. If caught, such senior citizens will be required to submit a 2,500 word explanatory, detailed essay (typed and double-spaced with all grammar, spelling, and punctuation correct, having been carefully proofread before its final submission), on such fantasies before our Judicial System can receive my Executive Privilege order to proceed with any further processes.”
Conclusion: “No standing ovation is necessary for any of this as all of you love to do at the end of my every sentence. This Address To the Nation, which could’ve been minimized to 15 minutes, rather than its 90 minutes if all of you would’ve kept your booties on your hands, as John Boehner has done with his long, pouting face, is all based on realism and common sense.”
"Whoever and wherever He is, may God bless America.”
