Linguistic Loonies I wondered... Why is it when the lights are out, nothing is visible, but when the stars are out, they are easily visible.
If the profession of a criminal lawyer is synonymous with a criminal politician.
How dreadful it is when people confuse statue with statute, they're and their with there, geophagy with geography, resume with résumé, ingenious with ingenuous, invious with envious, venal with venial, fugal with frugal ,portent with potent, message with massage, climatic with climactic, and oh, how much more dreadful when they confuse prostrate with prostate.
Why “Good morning,” “Good afternoon,” and “Good evening” are always introductory greetings, but “Good night” is always a farewell greeting.
If the teacher taught, why didn’t the preacher praught?
When are primary school teachers going to stop telling students to “draw a round circle” or to “draw a box with four sides”?
Why do so many say, “You welcome” instead of its correct term, “You’re welcome,” and why do so many confuse the latter with “You’re welcomed?”
It’s one mouse and many mice; one louse and many lice. Why not one house and many hice?
Why do banks have Braille buttons on their ATM’s in their drive-thru’s, and why do so many say, “I have to go to the ATM machine," "I've got to check my IRA account," or "I've forgotten my PIN number."
Why do so many ask, “Where are you at?” when where and at mean the same thing?
Why do so many people use so many oxymoronic phrases as “That’s old news,” “He’s on a working vacation,” “He has a small fortune,” “Put them in random order,” and “He was conspicuously absent”?
Why do so many people at Fast-Food Drive-thru’s say, “I would like to place an order to go”?
Why are so many financial business gurus obsessed with 9’s for the sake of one penny? ($19.99, $129.99, etc.) thinking that it makes a difference in the sale?
Why do gasoline places always sell a gallon of gas with an add-on of 1/10th of a penny?
Why do we still use the 2,000-year-old “D” (denarius – a Roman penny) to classify nails, and use the European metric system (mm) for brads?
In purchasing lumber, why can’t I get what I pay for? (One 2 x 4 is actually one 1-1/2 by 3-1/2); yet, I cannot complain if I purchase a 2’ x 2’ sheet of plywood.
Who, in the vile business world started this obnoxious, cumbersome process of the enticing,“mail-in-rebate,” to effect nothing but infinite aggravation for the customer in a laborious, time-consuming procedure: Hold up the customer’s money for 6-8 weeks, have the customer fill out a detailed, unnecessary rebate form, cut the original scan-price-code off the box (which cancels the return-policy guarantee, if any, since most products can only be returned in their original, undamaged box), address a stamped envelope with another SASE enclosed (now a total of 88 cents), with the original receipt -- no copies – also canceling the return-policy – only to have the sub-contracting rebate company refuse the rebate, claiming something was missing?
Who started the nonsense-term, “pre-owned” car, attempting to make potential customers believe the previous owner(s) never USED it and it simply sat in the driveway(s) for decorative purposes?
Why are they called “Garage sales” when they’re seldom in a garage?
If “con” means “against,” and “pro” means “for," are Congress and progress synonyms or antonyms?
If someone yells, "You lie!" in a room full of politicians, how does anyone know whom he's talking to?
What’s the difference between a “Last Will and Testament” and a “Living Will”?
For Catholics and Episcopalians, what’s the “Last Sacrament” called if the near-death recipient survives for years?
…and my aggravating, perennial perplexity: Why can’t I have a round box for my round pizza?
WJK-October, 2008
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