(Always sent if/only the company includes a SASE)
To: (Name of Life Insurance company)
Re: Application for life insurance (or other subject matter)
Date:
Your (Life Insurance company) situation:
It is a well-known fact that all Life Insurance companies are an integral part of the American Taliban Business World , setting off hidden, financial I.E.D.’s behind the backs of potential customers via obtaining credit reports and health reports, both replete with numerous micro-print reserve, exclusionary, and ultra-restrictive clauses in the policies such as “If the applicant becomes deceased within two years of the date of approval of the policy, all premiums paid into the policy will be refunded (no year of such refund is ever stated) minus an 85% administration fee, documentation fee, cancellation fee, mailing fee, secretarial fee, stationery fee, computer-usage fee, and inconvenience fee."
The Republican freak-financial gurus that hide out in these Taliban Headquarters always make sure that the enemies of Allah (hard-working Democrats that are the cause of the Life Insurance multi-million-dollar conglomerate's profits) lose somehow, some way and that the American Taliban Life Insurance company itself continues to increase it mega-profits so that its CEO, with his mega-million-dollar salary, his close cronies, and executive administrative personnel can also continue to receive their 6-8 figure salaries with all their attached perks, which, in turn, keeps the company’s Board of Trustees and Investors giggling all the way to the bank. The ATBW motto reigns: “If it’s immoral or unethical, we don’t care – as long as it’s not illegal.”
Your bottom line: If the applicant is not between the ages of 21-35, is in ultra-perfect health, and has a credit score of 849+, (a score which will also secretively be utilized to judge the applicant’s socio-economic status -- another subterfuge always vehemently denied by insurance companies), the applicant becomes a “high risk” and the potential customer’s application is “denied” with no personal or professional courtesy-explanation shown to the customer for any such denial except such ambiguous micro-font statements as, “Your credit report was used (in part) to determine this evaluation of ‘denial.’ You may contact one or all three of the Credit Report agencies listed below for further details.” (Simple translation: “It’s not our fault; it’s the fault of the Credit Report agencies.”) Because of HIPAA laws, of course, the applicant is not informed of any such health-information bureau, doctors, hospitals, pharmaceutical companies, etc. that were secretly utilized via the MIB (Medical Insurance Bureau -- contrary to HIPAA laws, without the applicant's written consent) to obtain any health info on the applicant. If, by any length of an octopus’s tentacles, the policy is approved, it will be at “an affordable price of ‘ONLY’ $1,499.99 (advertised as “under $1,500”) per month with only 85% down, followed by 3 “easy” automatic monthly installments (plus an administration fee, computer fee, S&H fee, secretarial fee, documentation fee – the obnoxious list is ad infinitum, ad nauseam again.) The “easy, automatic monthly installments,” of course, require the Taliban company to obtain -- and always have access to -- the credit card number, with its 3-digit security code, or the routing number of the applicant’s checking/debit account – either of which is always via “a secure server” – except for professional online hackers, who can have a field day with such information.
If none of the above, especially the demonic, immoral, and unethical practice of pulling a credit and/or health report on me do not apply to you, you may send your “so-much-desired” information; otherwise, you may hasten to your mass-mailing list (which you purchased as a 100% business-cost tax deduction at a mega-buck cost, but which cost -- as with all other costs -- is also passed on to customers) and erase my name from it. Otherwise, all future, in-vain mailings received from you will find their respectful place for the local garbologists who will, as will this addressee, find great delight in knowing that such junk-mail literature is finding its final resting place at the local landfill.
If a detailed, written, explanatory response to all the above is not received from your company’s hierarchal personnel, it will be determined by this addressee that your company is guilty of all/any of the above.
N.B.: If any such response is given without an SASE, kindly include a fax number or an e-mail address. Wasteful postage via USPS for correspondence in our present techno-age is anathema to all members in this household.
