Camping World, as a leading member of the ATBW (American Taliban Business World), strikes again!
>CREDIT UNION SALE CAMPING WORLD AND LOCAL CREDIT UNIONS HAVE JOINED TOGETHER FOR A VERY SPECIAL SALE!!
Isn’t it humorous that the credit unions have not been individually named so consumers can verify the duping statement?
>* SPECIAL PRICING FOR MEMBERS WITH DISCOUNTS UP TO $12,000; * SPECIAL FINANCING RATES AS LOW AS 5.25%
There they are again – the trite catch-all reservation phrases: “up-to” and “as low as.”
>* NO MONEY DOWN WITH APPROVED CREDIT
Absolutely. Taliban translation: “Your credit score must be 849+. Otherwise, we will take you out back and decapitate you financially with our whopping high interest from one of our numerous un-named credit unions, with our secretive, contracted kick-backs, of course. This is simply our decades-old policy and cannot be altered – not that we want it to. Our ATBW motto remains: “If it’s immoral or unethical, we don’t care – as long as it’s not illegal.”
>* SIMPLE INTEREST LOANS WITH NO PRE PAYMENT PENALTY UP TO 20 YEARS; * SPECIAL CONSIDERATION GIVEN TO CUSTOMERS WITH "BRUISED" CREDIT
Absolutely -- although no one at Taliban Camping World defines “simple interest.”
Allah forbid we overlook this one: The old “bruised credit” pitch. The ludicrous credit report will not reflect people who have been dedicated to their jobs for 40+ years, will not show the infinite loans paid off to the to any credit union for over 35 years, will not show infinite doctor, hospital, and medicine bills paid in full or all utility bills paid for 40 years; will not show that there were never any repos of any kind or any bankruptcies filed in the past 40 years, and will not allow for any consumer explanation of any ATBW entity sneakily reporting via their passionate use of I.E.D.’s (behind the consumer’s back, as usual) on any negative report. If it’s in the credit report, no vendor or dealer will question it. The credit report is the ATBW’s deity, always to be worshipped and adored as the golden idol.
>* NOT A MEMBER? MEMBERSHIPS AVAILABLE AT THE DEALER FOR QUALIFYING CANDIDATES
Catch-all again: “qualifying candidates.” Delightful. Simple translation: You must have been married for 40+ years and have never received any notoriety comparable to Billy Boy and Maniac Monica in their personal escapades; you must be willing to give us all your personal life’s info, including your BVD size; you must have owned your home for 50 years ( and now fully or nearly paid off so we -- or our un-named credit union -- can put a lien on it if we have to); you must be a relative or close friend of Bill Gates or Warren Buffett with your bank balances so high, money is overflowing into your neighborhood streets, and you must positively inform us, under threat of prosecutorial procedures, when you engaged in a passionate sex session with your spouse -- not that it has anything to do with the credit score, but neither does anything else in the credit report. If you fail to have a spouse at the present time, you are instantly disqualified. (Our Allah demands that all applicants be married – to one of the opposite sex. “Do not apply if you are of the gay community. We will see you at the flogging post in our back yard if you do – unless you pledge your allegiance to our darling, revered, business-money-mogul-Taliban Republican, Governor Ricky-Baby Scott, forever flaunting his unabashed smirk as he consistently searches for ways to shaft the hard-working Florida Democrats. (We will be quite upset with you if we see you giggling at him at the local Tally barber shop.)”
>SPECIAL PRICING. SPECIAL RATES AND TERMS. DO NOT MISS THIS SALE!!!!
Absolutely. (Please note the absurd, redundant use of exclamation points – a slaughtering of basic English grammar.) Simple example and translation: Camper model, hyt543fd1kl87gfcreb8h6, was $39,999.95. (We gotta have the 9’s in there lest we seem honest and call it what it is: $40,000), but it has now been reduced to $39, 989.95. Instead of charging you 47% interest rate for 96 months, we will now, in spite of your "bruised credit score” of 848, charge you only 46.9% for 97 months. (We are graciously and purposely granting you an extension of one month's financing to allow you to put food on the table while your $40,000 camper sits idle in your driveway, serving as a convention center for the local termites.) We will even deduct our “kick-you-in-the-face” administration fee of our mega-hundred dollars, coupled with a $5.00 Mc Donald’s gift card which you can use at any time at any of its numerous locations in our Afghanistan mountains. We will also gladly deduct our Walking-On-the-Lot fee, Kick-the-Tires-fee, View-Our-Showroom-fee, ‘Free’-Coffee-fee, and our Drooling-Over-Our-Attractive-Secretaries’-fee (if applicable).
Oh, my Allah! Please allow me to make a beeline (3-hour-one-way-trip) to Tally’s Camper World to take advantage of this Super Sale and become a member of one of their un-named credit unions so I can, during the lengthy trip keep wondering why no one at Camper World checks to see that its ludicrous e-mails constantly go into my Spam-folder.
Gee, is there anyone at Camper World endowed with a minimum I.Q., who might see fit to erase my name from its massive junk-e-mail list?
With delectable delight,
wjk43@earthlink.net
