Desist Dangling For decades, the English teacher implored students, “Avoid dangling participial phrases.” Today, since it evokes nothing except snickers and giggles (for unmentionable reasons) from adolescent and teen students, the teacher simply admonishes the students, “Avoid misplaced phrases.” Rightly so. They not only create misinterpretations, confusion, and necessary re-reading of the sentence for correct comprehension and clarity, but in many instances, unintended humor. The response-excuse usually remains steadfast: “The reader knows what I mean.” Maybe. A few samples: Which did the writer intend, a or b?
1. a-What do you think of Michael Jackson as a photographer? b-What do you, as a photographer, think of Michael Jackson?
2.a-The pitcher sustained a gash on the chin from a batted ball that required six stitches. b-The pitcher sustained a gash from a batted ball on the chin that required six stitches. 3. a-The obituary column lists the names of persons who died for a nominal fee. b-For a nominal fee, the obituary column lists the names of persons who died. 4. a-The blaze was put out before any damage was done by the fire department. b-The blaze was put out by the local fire department before any damage was done. 5. a-Although a Protestant, the Pope received me most graciously. b-Although I’m a Protestant, the Pope received me most graciously. 6. a-The Red Sox outfielder is still raging over the report that he slugged a photographer carried in the afternoon paper. b-The Red Sox outfielder is still raging over the report, carried in the afternoon paper, that he slugged a photographer. 7. a-Be sure to purchase enough of wood to finish your project before it starts. b-Before you start your project, be sure to purchase enough of wood. 8. a-You can order a dress that can be delivered to you by telephone. b-By telephone, you can order a dress that can be delivered to you. 9. a-Everybody complimented Susan on the fine performance she gave as they were leaving the auditorium. b-As they were leaving the auditorium, everybody complimented Susan on the fine performance she gave. 10. a-The company has developed a bullet-proof helmet for soldiers made of plastic. b-The company has developed a plastic bullet-proof helmet for soldiers. 11. a-Ellen watched the sea gulls fly back and forth in a red bikini over the beach. b-Ellen, in a red bikini, watched the sea gulls fly back and forth over the beach. Leaving out the noun or pronoun to which the participial phrase modifies is also a comparable sin in basic English. Again, a or b: 1. a-Hopping from one tired foot to another the bus finally came into view. b-As I was hopping from one tired foot to another, the bus finally came into view. 2. a-Walking across the street, the truck almost ran me down. b-As I was walking across the street, the truck almost ran me down. Who can miss the humor in such sentences as: Walking along the lake, the fish jumped at me. Entering the plane, the flight attendant gave me some M&M’s. After being dead for more than 150 years, Beethoven’s music is still loved my many. The perennial, golden rule remains: “If the writer forces the reader to have to re-read the sentence for instant comprehension and clarity, the responsibility to re-write the sentence remains upon the writer.” …and I pondered: Sad that drafters of insurance policies and bank loans do not follow the golden rule. Its morbidity is intensified when the complacency of our citizenry allow them to get away with it. WJK-10/09 |
